Monday, July 31, 2006
I know this post is gonna sound abit emo. bear with me yeah? just wanna type it all out.
I look at my name under Kitchen Crew, excited and sad at the same time, confused as to why I chose it, regrets stir and my mind goes wandering around. But it's ok, i want the experience, I want to try out everything of my course. Doorman (if possible), room service (if possible), chamber maid, reservation, guest relations, and go out to the attractions side, events, MICE, everything! Because up to now I'm still a confused girl not knowing what I want in life) And things just got worse, MESSY.
I surrender, I give up. Maybe they are right, I should spare myself from further pain and hurt. The lies, the deception, the fake tears, fake words, and fake smiles. No longer can I tell right from wrong, truth and lies. It is scary to know, as well as not know the truth. What has been going on? Can I really handle what I see? My character does not allow me to stop thinking about little hints, clues, and evidence surrounding me.
Why does things just got haywire, all over the place when life is just so simple? Can't we all live happily? I want my dumb island, the island where dumbernarians live in happiness, with no hurt, no pain, just laughter, joy and love. I'm caught in my own web, stuck in a position no one would ever want to be in. No one can help, only I have to make the decision, and both sides of the decision will cause pain and hurt.
I wish, I wish, I wish for everything to be alright. Not just for me, but for everyone around. For sarah, for leanna, for my girls, for the dumbernarians, for my secondary school friends, for my primary school friends, for my family, and everybody. LIFE SUCKS, sucks all the happiness out of one.
To Darren: I know I have no right to say or react like that. Because it was me who suggested the pts thing. But i guess ultimately I'm still afraid and protective, selfish and insecure. So sorry. There's no other way for you to have your freedom except for your initial choice. I hope you enjoy your life and be happy =) Take care.
Kristine lays down her head down infront of the computer screen: "FRIENDSTER", it can be the best and the worst thing that happened in the connection of the WORLD WIDE WEB (www.)